As you might have guessed, my work today did not provide any fuel to break me out of my funk. I will say time moved faster than molasses in winter for the first time since I started. That’s progress! And I didn’t poke my eyes out with a butter knife, which is even better. Maybe these minds and hearts of ours just need to be trained to sit behind computers in corporate high rises? I was once told by an idiot that I was a HIGHLY trainable person. At this point, I hope the idiot was right.
I did hear a couple of funny things over the past 24 hours, none of them having anything to do with work. But come to think of it, my new learnings could have some great applications on the job. Maybe? It’s not that I think I would get fired for saying them, it’s more that the Dutch are literal, and I don’t think they would get it.
So I was watching Southpark (great start, I know). And here’s the new line I want to say when someone asks me something like: “Are you sure your forecast is correct?”
My old response: “I analyzed the top down and bottom’s up and I’m confident this is correct give or take 10%.”
My NEW response (thank you Southpark): “Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?”
I just think it’s so much more illustrative and meaningful. But say what you will about the Dutch and their liberal tendencies, they take religion seriously. Not something to joke about at all. Might get fired. Am considering using it.
The next one is really childish, but when I heard it, I immediately loved it. A friend of mine introduced me to the following term: “fucktard.” As in, “Don’t be such a Fucktard, Jan van der Maan. Of course the forecast is right. Moron.” That one wouldn’t get me fired because nobody here would understand what I just said, which is a shame.
So, that’s what I have for today.
Mom, you are one of 3 people reading this, and thankfully the dildo and pot talk didn’t bother you. I realize Fucktard might be on the edge, but I honestly think you could use it with the Belgian guys at the French restaurant! Say it with a smile and they will appreciate you even more. At the end of the day, they're just really lovable Fucktards. And if that's not something to aspire to, I don't know what is.
Mom, Betsy just mentioned that the whole pedophile comment might offend you (and Bana) more than Fucktard. I'm not sure why when considering pot, dildo's, fucktards and pedophiles I didn't pick up the most offensive subject matter?
ReplyDeleteNot sure why the pedophile thing would offend me...omigosh...am I supposed to be offended??? I guess I'm just so darned shallow that I laugh at pot, dildos and fucktards....and the pedophile thing just went right over my head. I'm gonna wait until the end of the season to try fucktard on the guys at the French Rest...they are so sorta sweet in their own way.
ReplyDeleteUnlike your mom, I AM offended, Christy. Not because of the fucktards, dildos, pedophiles and pot references that pepper your blog (I quite like them, actually) but because you didn't think I would be offended! I'm a delicate flower. A classy lady with the highest set of morals. What, did you think because your dad used to call my brother, "fucktard" as a kid (or was it "shithead"? And was it just over Thanksgiving?) that I would have developed an immunity to such vulgarity. Indeed I have, so you are correct.
ReplyDeleteI am disappointed 'fucktard' hasn't taken off more. That seems like one of the more descriptive of the insults that can be hurled at people. I am inspired by this new word and I am going to spread it like Paul Revere spread the news of those dirty British. Thank you for opening my eyes to a whole new world of insults!
I have never heard that line from South Park, but I heart it more than I really probably should...
Shithead: noun, term of endearment, character building assertion...especially when delivered by 'the nicest guy in the whole world'. Fuctard would not be acceptable...so happy the word has just entered the lexicon.......Uncle Johnny would have been tempted to use it if the word had been available...'character building' material for sure. Apparently shithead worked in the character department ...the sky would be the limit with 'fucktard'. I hope Pete isn't haunted by 'what ifs'...."If only Uncle Johnny had called me a fucktard......"
ReplyDeleteI really think we should handle the whole 'Pete situation' sensitively. His life course could be changed with a single word...I guess the comforting news is that I can't think of a single professional sports team that starts with an 'F' so perhaps it was his destiny to be a shithead instead. Even so, I bet he wishes his favorite Uncle Johnny had called him a fucktard. There's still time.
ReplyDelete