Strong Sniffer

My sister has had a trying string of dying dogs.  Following a series of unexpected deaths and accidents, Betsy and family were recently left dogless once again when their pup, Boy Georgia, surprised them with a brain tumor.  Having lived through so many traumatic pet casualties, Betsy suggested a hedgehog as the next household pet.  She was overruled. 

After poor Georgia died, the kid’s respected a millisecond mourning period which was quickly followed by new puppy planning mode.  And that’s how they ended up with a Chocolate Lab named Boise.

Boise quickly won the hearts of Sophia and Nathan.  So much so that they now refer to him as: “The Dog That Makes Life Perfect.”  Sophia composed a song about it and everything. 

And this is one of those moments to reflect on how lovely it is to be a child. Not only because they have no idea how difficult it is to be an adult, or because they can forget about a dead best friend, but mostly because they don’t realize Boise has a serious character flaw. 

He is a crotch sniffer.

I believe crotch sniffing disqualifies a dog (or anything for that matter) from making the world a better place. 

And my Bana agrees (imagine having your crotch sniffed at the age of 95?):  “The only thing that would make life more perfect is if that dog were dead.”

Of course, the children are not allowed to read my blog, not only because I use the word Fucktard and talk of sniffing privates.  But now because their dear Great Grandmother thinks life would be better if their beloved dog had its snout up someone’s toosh in heaven.

But there is hope for Boise.  I’m convinced he has potential working for the TSA as a sniffing dog.  We all hate waiting in long airport security lines just to have a creepy stranger feel you up before getting on a plane.  But it’s another thing when you have The Dog That Makes Life Perfect check you out.  Seems a bit less intrusive and would probably result in a giggle or too.  And he might save money as well - no doubt the crotch case in Seattle would have gone smoothly if Boise had been involved.  He's a privates sniffer with money making potential!  And that's not just me trying to get rid of him.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Court-OKs-Sea-Tac-crotch-search-2443626.php

I looked for a picture of Boise with his snout up someone's butt, but we must have deleted all of those with good reason.  This is a photo of Sophia and Nathan in their Lab PJ's to honor The Dog That Makes Life Perfect.  Notice that if Nathan didn't have a vice grip on him, Boise'd be looking to sniff someone's privates.  I'm pretty sure I was the one standing in the corner when this photo was taken.