Book Report

It’s been over 7 weeks since my foot was put in a cast.  Miraculously, my stubborn 5^th metatarsal is just as broken as it was when I fell off my bike in Copenhagen.   I am feeling like a desperate slubberdeguillon.  Don’t know what that means?  I am looking forward to telling you!

7 weekends with nothing to do but lie in bed with the infrequent struggle down my Mount Everest steps means I have a lot of free time on my hands.    If I were a real go getter, I would have started writing a book, finalized an itinerary for my next around the world adventure and possibly determined my life’s purpose.  Although these sound like great ideas, I chose to focus my efforts on thoughtless entertainment instead.

First up were trashy magazines, even reading an entire Cosmopolitan for the first time in 20 years.  Don’t do that.  Next, I attempted to turn my tv on again and failed.  This is an achievement of sorts because I may be the most technologically moronic person alive.

When my foot heals (please?) I will look back and remember hearing the Westerkerk bells chime every 15 fucking minutes and enjoying all 7 seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Thank you Larry David for making me feel better about my dismal existence.

Since lugging my Curb DVD’s to the doctor’s office is not a realistic option, I started reading a new book.  I chose a Bill Bryson number because when I grow up and become an author, I want to be a female version of him.  There is no more witty and entertaining commentary on traveling through Australia, England, Europe and Appalachia than his writing.

This particular Bryson book sat unread on my shelf from New York to London to Amsterdam.  It’s called Mother Tongue and it is the history of the English Language complete with an index and bibliography.  The book examines the history of why English was created and how it became the most predominant language on Earth.  And you wonder why I avoided it so long?

But as usual, Bryson writes a great book.  Only this guy can make the history of the split infinitive both dramatic and interesting. 

You should give the book a try, but here are some useful things I learned and want to share:

• You know that sudden sensation of falling when you’re asleep?  It’s called the Myocolonic Jerk.  So you can say “I had a myocolonic jerk in bed last night” and keep your friends guessing.
• Ugsome:  a late medieval word meaning loathsome.  This word must not be lost.  Use it to describe someone today!
• Slubberdeguillon:  a 17th century word meaning a slovenly and worthless fellow.  Sigh.
• Swearing:  Bill takes you through a history of swearing which is highly entertaining.  I learned that Shakespeare created some real gems:  “I fart at thee” and “I am the rankest cow that ever pissed” are two of my faves.
• Also, did you know that snafu stands for “situation normal – all fucked up”?  I didn’t and wish I used it more often.

Bryson lost me near the end with his goings on about palindromes and anagrams – I’ve never been one for word games.  But this is a book worth reading!  And not just when you are feeling like an ugsome slubberdeguillon.

If things get much worse, I am considering his lengthy A Short History of Nearly Everything...

Please note that I have managed to refrain from using any insults against the Dutch Medical System until now. 
I fart at thee!